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Out with the old . . In with the new . . [07 May 2004|06:15pm] well.. im done with this.. got a new journal! check it out! www.livejournal.com/users/wantingparadise Im officially.. Out! Buh Bye! love me

*news update* [07 May 2004|03:50pm] [ mood | relieved ] [ music | [my mom and sisters playin around] ] so.. guess what?!   It's over 10 in love| love me

[06 May 2004|10:40pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | [nothing] ] i dont kno what to say anymore... apparently im a niave, ignorant, bitch who doesnt care about anyone or anything... i guess some people dont realize how much i try.. because it never gets recognized.. the only things that get recognized is what i do wrong... i dont kno how to express what im feeling right now.. but its really not good.. incase you wanted to kno and thanks to everyone whose been there, and who i kno will always be there. i love you. 5 in love| love me

why . . ? [05 May 2004|01:59pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | [nothin..] ] why do people have to be so fucking negative all the time?! 22 in love| love me

ah... my head hurts so bad! [04 May 2004|02:49am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | [been listening to the same damn cycle of songs for 3 hours] ] tired as fuck! i've been working on my bio project since 8:30pm.. it is now 2:50am.. and i realized i dont have any printer paper to print it! Damnit! There goes my good day.. =/  Well, i guess i had more to finish than i realized, because i still have to write a debate speach.. and do math homework.. love me

"Baby when you touch me, I can feel how much you love me, And it just blows me away.." [03 May 2004|05:40pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | [The song in my head: I'm Walking On Sunshine] ] I just watched Romeo and Juliet.. Whoa.. AWESOME movie! even tho it was the new one, which is kinda crappy, the whole meaning of it was so deep. I cried all through the ending. It also made me think about a lot of things. I realized how completely crazy i am over Tim. I love him so much!  =)  He makes me so incredibly happy. He gives me this feeling deep inside that could never be explained in words.. It's the greatest feeling i've ever felt. To love someone, and to be loved back by that someone. I keep crying, but not because im sad, but because im so happy. He's given me so much. The ability to open my heart to people. The ability to be truly happy. The ability to see how loved i am by the people that truly care about me. The ability to feels things that i've never felt before. I feel like im floating...  =) 17 in love| love me

la . la . la [03 May 2004|02:59pm] [ mood | good ] [ music | [nothing.. my house is super quiet] ] im feeling really positive at the moment. i dont exactly kno why. but not much can really bring me down right now. 2 in love| love me

"I'm lyin alone.. With my head on the phone.. Thinking of you.. Till it hurts.." [02 May 2004|11:12pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | [Like I Am] :: [Rascal Flatts] ] Liana made my journal all pretty! YeY! Thank you sooooo soooo sooo much!!!  =) 4 in love| love me

Lost day... [02 May 2004|09:25pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | [Love You Out Loud] :: [Rascal Flatts] ] Today has been completely lost to school work. I was busy doing my Animal Research Project all day. It's due Tuesday.. And im about half way done..  =/  Maybe i should have started sooner?! I havent talked to Tim all day.. He never called me back.. Like he said he would..  =( Well, i just thought i'd take a break from my project and update. But i gotta get back to it. Lets hope this week is better than last week. I've got my fingers crossed. 2 in love| love me

hm... [01 May 2004|01:52pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | [radio commercials] ] --> last night, i went to my first happy hour. =) i went with my mom and 5 of her friends, some i knew, some i didnt. it was a lot of fun tho. and no, i didnt drink. but i had fun listening to all their crazy stories. it was better than staying home alone all night. --> i went fishing with my daddy this morning! it was a lot of fun. i like spending time with him. he doesnt pressure me to talk about things i dont want to talk about. and he is so adorable. you cant help but laugh at him. and i caught a fish! woo! --> i called Tim when i got home. i tried to talk to him. we sat in silence for about 30 seconds, then he said he had to go do stuff before he went to work. and he left. i told him to call me back when he gets a chance. i really want to talk to him! i tried. i was so close. 4 in love| love me

my world is falling apart . . right before my eyes [30 Apr 2004|05:26pm] [ mood | pretty shitty ] [ music | [the sound of my keyboard as im typing] ] so.. i guess i'll update again. i just got so wrapped up in the comments on the last entry, that i felt no need to update for a while. but anyways, this last week has been nothing but hell. i feel like one giant question mark. so fucking confused. the guy i love is turning into some image. and i dont like it. but i have no fucking clue what to do. actually, i take that back, i do kno what to do. but im just too chicken. i really need to talk to him, tell him how i feel. but for some reason, whenever i get the chance to talk to him, i get all nervous and chicken out. i'll talk to him sooner or later, though. at some point, i wont be able to keep my comments to myself. they need to be let out. i need to tell him how i feel. but i cant.  =/ 4 in love| love me

Gr... Boys are so damn confusing. [26 Apr 2004|07:23pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | [Nothing. It's too quiet. I need to get some music going.] ] Ok, so Tim is pissing me off. He was being really mean to me yesterday, barely talked to me at all today, didnt hold my hand at all, flirted with other girls right in front of me, wore some other chick's jacket, wore some other chick's necklace thingy, and had eyeliner put on him. If this is his way of getting back at me for something i didnt do, it's deffinetly working. I think he's all pissed off because i was at that Debate competition with a whole bunch of guys. [however there were 3 other girls there, not including my mom, this other girls mom, and Ms. Wells.] But hell if i kno because he wont talk to me! And what really makes me mad is that if the trip is what this whole thing is about, it pisses me off that he cant trust me. I havent done anything that would make him not trust me. Yesterday, he kept asking me why i didnt answer my phone when he called. And i told him i couldnt hear it ring, [which i couldnt] and he was just acting like he didnt believe me at all. If he doesnt call me tonight im sooo gunna be ticked. Ahhh... I'm going crazy! All i want is for him to talk to me! I could try talking to him, but it'll never work if he doesnt want to talk to me in the first place. Gr... 10 in love| love me

" It's the way he makes you feel, It's the way that he kisses you.. " [25 Apr 2004|03:17pm] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | [Pretty Girl] :: [Sugar Cult] ] The Debate competition in Jacksonville was soooo much fun!!!! It was just the novices (first timers) there, and they are all so great! We found out that Eric is a cleptomaniac, something else i forgot, and a Hitler wanna-be.  ;)  He's so funny! He's our Fuerer. Ha! And he made Ruby! So, he wont kill everyone! YeY! There was some drama, But that as expected. And it wasnt that big of a deal. Kenneth has the best tie ever! It's like turquise blue and towards the bottom it has The Cat in the Hat on it! Woo! So, i wore it of course! lol. But that was after we were all done competing. David Thompsan won 1st place in Congress! [so he's great at congress and has a do-able voice! lol. dont ask] I got last place in all of my rounds. But hey, It's all gravy baby!  =)  Because i didnt come in last place out of everyone in my event. I came in second to last. Yes!  ;)  It didnt matter tho. I expected myself to do pretty bad. And i had a GREAT time.  =) We got sooo many crazy pictures! And i noticed something. What is with guys and polo shirts?! So many guys there had polo shirts. I started counting them.  =P  I got to seven, but it was towards the end of the second day, so i didnt get to ask as many people as i would have liked. The hotel rooms reeked of smoke.  =(  And it wasnt a very pretty hotel, like the Crestian one. It was very plain//boring. Eric and Brandon [he had a pink wrinkled shirt! ha!] broke to quarter finals in Ted Turner [Public Forum]. So now Eric can show off his two trofees. [whoa. that's a weird word to spell. i dont think i got it right, but oh well.] They had the mascot there. And Kenneth wanted to steal it's costume. He's one weird kid. He also said that im the best human pillow he's ever had.. lol. Sarah came in dead last in O.O. lol. i felt bad for her. but she didnt seem to mind. Well. there isnt much else to say. It was a GREAT tirp and i has so much fun! Those crazy Debate people are awesome! Buh Bye! 3 in love| love me

* Home Again! YeY! I Love Being At My Own Home.. =) * [24 Apr 2004|11:52pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | [nothing] ] This thing is over! And im back at my own house! And im so fricken tired! I'm going to sleep, I'll tell you all about the trip tomorrow when i actually get some energy. This whole typing thing is wearing me out! Good Night! love me

" Cause it's the first long kiss on the second date.. " [22 Apr 2004|10:01pm] [ mood | stressed//nervous ] [ music | [The Good Stuff] :: [Keney Chesney.. Maybe?] ] Debate competition tomorrow.. I'm scared shitless...  =/ Wish me luck! I'll update Saturday night when i get back. Buh Bye! love me

" I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal . . " [21 Apr 2004|09:45pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | [Warning] :: [Incubus] ] some people just dont get it. they dont realize when they are really truly hurting someone. [and im not trying to be hypocritical, because i kno i've done it.] people should really try to take other peoples feeling into consideration before they say something hurtful. for all they kno, they could have really crushed someone with just their words. i realized i've done this. and im truly sorry to all who've been affected by it and dont deserve it. i kno how bad it makes someone feel when they are being ridiculed and criticized for no reason. it hurts. it makes that person feel helpless and worthless. for example, something as simple as being called dumb, by someone who you truly care about, can really crush you. sure, its just one stupid little word. you may just brush it off. but to some people, that one word can make you think of a million things. you may start to think about how much respect that person really has for you. if they really care for you as much as you thought they did. you start to wonder if that person has always thought of you that way, and what else they may be thinking, but not saying. i just wish everyone could keep their rude comments to themselves. but i kno that will never happen. the society we live in today wont allow it. i kno it would be almost imposible for me to keep everything unpleasant inside. and not let it out. so i dont really expect anyone else to do the same. i just wish they could feel the burden of knowing they've hurt someone's feelings. really knowing how deeply they've hurt someone. i wish everyone felt as terrible as i do when i kno i've hurt someone. because maybe then, there will be less cruel things being said. maybe there will be less people suffering from depression. maybe things will be better. but one can only dream. whoa.. that was deep.. love me

" With your hands on my waist, And you kissed me like you meant it. And i knew that you meant it " [21 Apr 2004|06:00pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | [Hands Down] :: [DC] ] Today was an extrememly eventfull day! There is waaaay too much to tell you here. But here's an overview: First two periods kinda sucked. I was awake, and didnt feel like doing work. But i did it anyways. [Ok, so that part of the day wasnt so eventful, But it gets better, trust me!  ;)] Then, in math, this girl [Jessie Benantae {cant spell} in case you happen to kno her] said "no, i dont like her." [reffering to me] and i just started laughing my ass off! it was the funniest thing! it sounded just like a little kid! Ha! Then, in Debate we had Luke [cant spell his last name, and im not even gunna try cause its very weird] as our teacher [it was senior switch day] and we did impromtues. [speeches that you have to give off the top of your head.] And it was a lot of laughs. Then lunch, i accidentally spit coke all over Kelly! I felt soooo bad! =/ [and Kaitlen bluntly pointed out that apparently all the spills that happen at lunch, are in some way related to me.. Yea.. well she's right.. oh well! ;)] Then comes Biology! Drama, Drama, Drama! First of all, my group exhiled me [and i dont take rejection well] so i joined Kelly's group. [I think they perminently kicked me out.. But im not sure.. =/  I guess i'll have to wait till tomorrow and find out.]  Then we started playing "Mammal Sharades" [ok, so there wasnt a name, but you get the idea]  and it was so funny! *Oh and a side note - My teacher just IMed me, regarding an earlier entry where i had said "I HATE BIOLOGY!!!!! My teacher sucks. Kelly would deffinetly agree with me."  Well, do you have any idea how embarissing that feels! omg! lol. Well, my teacher deffinetly doesnt suck. she is probably the most interesting/fun teacher i've ever had. [and im not just saying that to be nice, its really the way i feel] she really does make class a whole lot of fun. But to explain myself for earlier. I was having a very bad day. I didnt feel like studying for a Biology test that was sort of sprung on us. And my group is so stupid! So bassically, it wasnt really my teacher's fault for my anger, It was my groups' fault. And my fault, for the fact that i chose to sit with them. I just kinda took it out on her. I'm sorry Mrs. Lyons [Hasley ;)]. And spanish i felt like a complete fool because my teacher yelled at me for "disrupting" another student, When i was trying to shut him up because he was talking to me! Gr... And he didnt even stick up for me. Loser.. Then, on the walk home, Lars really made me mad. Bassically he pushed me really hard [like not kidding around] and i pushed him back and he pushed me again [not as hard, and sort of just playing around] and i was so pissed at him! And on top of all this, i have to memorize a Debate piece for competition on Friday, and im only about half way thru it. I just have bits and pieces of it done. I'm so scared that im not gunna memorize it in time. =/ So that was a "short" version of my day. [trust me, you dont want to kno the looong version! ;)] And i guess im ok now. Tim made me feel better, and i told my mom about it, and it made me feel better just talking about it. Plus, my sister [Lindsey, she's 9 by the way] came home with a knot the size of a golf ball on her head! Guess what she did?! She ran into a pole!!! Omg! I laughed soooo hard when my mom told me about it! She reminded me so much of myself and all my friends who've done that [mostly Melanie.. Gosh, i miss her a ton..] Well, im done. Buh Bye! love me

" It's always you.. In my big dreams.. " [20 Apr 2004|08:40pm] [ mood | peaceful ] [ music | [Konstantine] :: [Something Corperate] ] Yesterday, i didnt feel like putting up with my computer's shit. So i wasnt on it at all. It needs to be reformatted. It probably has a whole lotta viruses on it. Oh well. The last couple days have been pretty good. I've been under soo much stress though. Lately it's just been seeming very overwhelming. It hasnt gotten to me yet. It will by Friday. That is when my Debate competition is. I havent finished memorizing my piece yet. Not even close. I'm so screwed. Plus i have a ton of other fricken homework! I hate school. And teachers. And the all work they make us do. Well, i need to go finish my homework [bet you couldnt see that coming]. I leave you with a very pretty poem by Shakespeare. We interpreted in class today, So it makes a lot more sence once you understand it. It makes you go 'awww'. I want someone to write a pretty poem for me like this one.  =) [Ha, yea like that's actually gunna happen.. I can dream tho right?!] "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date: Sometimes to hot the eye of heaven shines, And often is his gold complexion dimm'd; And every fair from fair sometimes declines, By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimm'd; But thy eternal summer shall not fade, Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest; Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade, When in eternal lines to time thou growest; So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, So long live this, and this gives life to thee." [When you actually understand what he is trying to say, it is so pretty.] love me

* One little s t a r e from you is all it t a k e s * [18 Apr 2004|05:51pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | [Nothing really, Trying to collect my thoughts] ] Hm.. i dont have much to say.. Nothing interesting happened lately.. Oh! My parents are back from Vegas! They had a great time! They got SO MUCH stuff! 12 shot glasses! Really pretty necklaces for my sisters and me! And stuff for other family members. When they were gone, I really realized how much i needed them. And how they really kept us [my sisters and i] in order. And the house all neat and clean. Hm.. lets see.. Oh, today i went to church class! It was semi interesting Because my teacher wasnt there So our class was combined with Julia's class. Her class is fun! lol i loved the whole "beating eachother up with virtue balloons!" Haha! I havent talked to Tim since Friday..  =(  He hasnt called.. I tried calling him today, but no one answered. If he doesnt call me later on, i guess i'll try callng him again. Tomorrow should be a really interesting day. Particularlly the morning! ;) And only a select few kno what im talking about. The rest of you will have to wait in suspence till tomorrow, When i'm allowed to tell you what is going on! Well, i guess that's it. Nothing else really that important to comment on. Yea, i need to go to my homework, too... So, I'm out! Buh Bye! 2 in love| love me

* Happy . . yet Lonely . . at the Same Time . . ? It's a Crazy Mixed Up world . . * [16 Apr 2004|10:53pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | [Back To Good] :: [Match Box 20] ] I saw The Prince & Me tonight.. AWESOME movie.. I wish Tim was there, But he had to work..  =( Yea well, It's ok. I respect his dedication to work and make money. He needs the money to pay for insurance so he can get his license. And it'll be GREAT when he gets his license. Even though my mom wont let me in a car with him... Oh well. But anyways! Back to my original point. The movie was so good. Such a classic chick-flick. It was that classic fairy tale story. Of a girl who finds her prince. And they live.. Happily Ever After. So sweet. I wanna live happily ever after. Stupid Disney. They just had to go and plant theses ideas in lil girls heads. But yea, i felt kinda lonely without Tim there.  =/ He's all i think about! It drives me crazy when i'm not with him. I love him so much.  =) Oh, and also, I felt kinda left out/ignored today. Because Angie [a good friend of my mom's] is here to watch us. Because my grandma left, and my rents are still in Vegas. So, yea, today Angie wanted to go see a movie right. Well, we were in the car because we were going to get something to eat. And we were having a conversation. Well, all of the suddon, her cell rings. And guess who it is?! My aunt Laura, her "new best friend!" So, Angie completely forgot all about our conversation, And started talking to my Aunt. Which she did almost all the way to Wendy's. [I wanted to go there to see Tim!  =)  Well, and to eat. lol.] Then, we went to the movie. And we were having on/off conversations there. When it was over, Guess who she called?! Yes.. My aunt.. And they talked all the way home. And then, she called her back from our house phone, As soon as we walked in the door. I knew this would happen. It always does. I'm almost always left out in this house. My sisters have eachother. Then my parents have eachother. [In this case, Angie has my aunt to talk to.] And i'm just here. All by myself.... And my parents wonder why i'm always shut up in my room. I feel out-of-place and unwanted everywhere i go in this house. Yea, But i guess i'm done feeling sorry for myself. [well.. at least, i'm done complaining to you about it.] Here are a couple quotes to leave you with! Enjoy! . . It took me by complete surprise . . . . When my heart . . . . Got lost inside your eyes . . . . You weren’t at all . . . . What I was looking for . . . . But you’re everything . . And so much more . .   .Thinking Of You. .Brings A Smile To My Face. .Dreaming Of You. .Makes My Heart Race. .Talking To You. .Makes Me Want You Even More. .Being With You Is What. .I Live For.   *Hope, is being able to keep your dreams in sight, When the odds are one to one thousand*   "All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher." love me

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